Resolve? You can bank on it

January 08, 2018

Cartoon courtesy of Jess Rae of Doodley Squat.

MY DETERMINATION to make it to midnight to welcome in the New Year paid off.
Usually, I bring out the champers about 7pm — and crash and burn by about 10pm.
So this time I had an afternoon nap, an extra strong coffee at 8pm, did a few starjumps at 9pm, ate some chocolate at 10pm, took a cold shower by 11pm and then set my alarm for 11.59pm to make the 10-second countdown.
My celebrations were shortlived though. By 12.05am, I was blissfully asleep, dreaming about what my New Year’s resolution should be.
You see, every year my resolutions fail.
But apparently I’m not alone.
According to Associated Psychology Practice psychologist Michelle Grosvenor about 40 per cent of Aussies write down their New Year’s resolutions each year but only 12 per cent on average actually stick to them.
And she says the reason why most fail is due to the inability to set clear and specific goals and having unrealistic or unachievable goals.
Yep, that sounds about right.
So rather than professing to ‘give up chocolate’, I should have said ‘give up chocolate every second day’.
And instead of losing weight, I should buy clothes in a bigger size so I feel smaller.
Or as an alternative to stressing less, date a doctor and seduce him into prescribing me a year’s worth of Xanax.
Now that’s being a little more realistic.
According to comparison website Finder, these are the 10 most popular resolutions with Australians for 2018, along with my take on them.
1. Improve your fitness (if I had one tenth of the energy my girls do by the end of the day, I would).
2. Eat better (what’s better than chocolate?).
3. Quit smoking (never been a smoker, so tick).
4. Quit drinking (I’m pretty sure Mama’s magic maroon medicine is what keeps me alive some days).
5. Learn something new (I live on the Murray River and I can’t water ski. Anyone?).
6. Travel more (I am headed to Bali with my two best girlfriends from school for our 40th birthdays in a few months, so check).
7. Volunteer (does theatre count?).
8. Meet someone (I am still looking for an older millionaire who acts like Phil Dunphy, has a voice like Gerard Butler, a body like Chris Hemsworth and a face like Mark Ruffalo).
9. Sleep more (I think my goal should be to sleep less).
10. Get out of debt (After three years of trying, I’ve given up on this).

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